Water To My Soul
by ZhenLe
Summary: Through the years, Makoto sees how water had always been the one thing to show the passionate side of Haru. And now that Rin was able to provoke the 'competitive' as well as caring side of Haru, Makoto starts to doubt his worth – what does he even mean to Haru in the first place? (MakoHaru)


**_For the MakoHaru Festival on tumblr!~_**

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><p>Water.<p>

It had always been water. The one thing that could get the usually stoic Haru excited, the one thing that could spark the light in his eyes, the one thing that would always catch his attention.

Always water. Always had been, and, Makoto thought to himself, always would be.

It could be anything really, any body of water. Be it a simple tub, or a school pool, even the ocean. Haru's eyes would gleam in a way that was never seen when it came to anything else. And it was in the last couple of years that his stripping habit started.

Makoto loved the way Haru's eyes would shine with pure joy, how his face would relax with contentment once submerged in the water. He loved every aspect of that water-loving-freak-Haru. And it wasn't hard to get Haru to do his bidding, just by uttering any incentive that had to do with water. Manipulation, in a sense.

_'But there's a pool there.' _Haru's eyebrow twitched. '_A pool that's much bigger than a bathtub.'_ Makoto once again saw the shimmering blue eyes, gazing into his own green ones. That was what got Haru to go to see their old swimming club.

_'Here I was thinking you'd finally get to swim if you came.' _Haru stopped wiping his hair. '_Samezuka's supposed to have an indoor pool.'_ The excitement never decreased, it was always the same in Haru's light-filled eyes. He ended up going along with Makoto and Nagisa to Samezuka Academy to check on Rin.

But Makoto, even though he had been the one who'd first suggested joining the Iwatobi Swim Club, had always been afraid of the water. There was always the fear of something hiding beneath its glittery surface, something big and strong, strong enough to pull people down into its depths and never return them.

That was what made him swim furiously at all times, arms thrashing wildly in the water, going all out and ploughing forcefully through the water. He wasn't going to let the water pull him under. He was running away from the _thing_ hiding underneath.

Makoto had lost the fisherman to the sea. He had lost his goldfish as well.

And he thought he'd lost Haru when he saw his limp body lying in the river beneath the Mutsuki Bridge. Makoto had never cried so hard in his entire life.

Haru meant so much to him, so much more than Haru would ever know, probably. But Makoto didn't know how much _he_ meant to Haru. Water was most likely what took up the most space in Haru's mind.

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><p>Haru had always been free in the water, as free as a dolphin. Makoto loved swimming, not just because of personal preference, but because he loved being able to share something in common with Haru. That wasn't enough to shake the fear though.<p>

When Haru suddenly quit the swim team, Makoto was devastated. Of course, he quit as well. Swimming wasn't the same without Haru. And when he found out that Rin was the reason for Haru quitting, it made Makoto doubt how much _he_ meant to Haru.

If Rin was the driving force for Haru swimming in the relay, the trigger for his competitive side, and the reason for him quitting the swim club due to strained relationships, what exactly was Makoto to Haru? Now, water wasn't the only one that could change Haru in a second.

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><p>That time when Rei had almost drowned in the sea, Makoto had hurled himself unthinkingly into the ocean's fearful currents to save his teammate. But when the water started clawing at the younger one's body, when it started to pull him down, Makoto completely froze. He couldn't even run – he was helpless.<p>

The next thing he knew, Haru's azure blue eyes were wide-eyed, scared, staring down at him. The damp sand beneath him felt like a relief; solid ground instead of the invisible monster in the ocean's depths. That night, Makoto made it clear how much Haru meant to him. How much he wanted to swim with Haru again. _How much he loved Haru._

Nagisa didn't allow the raven time to express his own feelings, much to Makoto's disappointment. But it had definitely been there; the sparkle and shine in Haru's bright eyes.

_Was that because of me?_

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><p>The day Haru lost to Rin at the prefectural tournament was the day Makoto saw the light go out of those blue eyes. Once gleaming at the sight of water, they were now dull and dark no matter what was put in front of him.<p>

Because of Rin.

Makoto never understood how Rin impacted Haru so much; he had never seen anyone able to change Haru from the stoic boy he had always been. Maybe Rin meant more to Haru than Makoto knew? That thought hurt him terribly, although he never expressed it.

But the hurt subsided, at least a little, when Makoto saw Haru staring down at him after his own heat race. Was that a faint shimmer in his eyes? Or was that just the sun playing with him. He didn't know, but that was enough to return the smile to Makoto's face.

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><p>They won the relay at the prefectural tournament; they'd made it to the finals. Makoto had never thought Haru would swim with them after the incident with Rin, but even Haru could be unpredictable at times.<p>

The brunet's heart had fluttered and beat wildly in his chest as he saw Haru's graceful but powerful form cut through the water, easily taking over each and every single opponent. Had Haru returned to his normal self?

Nagisa had tagged along with Makoto to Haru's abode to get him to come to the summer festival. Makoto hadn't expected Haru to agree to come so easily – his eyes were still dull and he was even more sullen than normal. But when Makoto had poured out his heart, when he had told Haru how happy he was to swim with him again, with everyone, it was as if a blue fire spread across the oceanic eyes.

Makoto had never seen anything more beautiful than what he had seen that night, when the light once again returned to his beloved Haru's eyes. Never had his heart hammered so violently when Haru expressed his desire to swim in the relay with them again.

The evening just got better and better. Makoto's heart swelled with happiness when Haru started to smile, when he actually put in the effort to get goldfish for him.

_Maybe I do mean something more to Haru._

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><p>It wasn't a figment of imagination that Haru had, in actual fact, started to smile more and openly express himself better. Makoto loved this Haru, loved seeing the smiles that used to be oh so rare. But Haru's development was because of <em>all of them<em>, wasn't it? It wasn't because of something only Makoto had done, Nagisa and Rei did have a part in this.

That theory flew out of Makoto's mind the night they had stayed together at the hotel. Haru had never, ever slept with his back to Makoto, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew exactly why Haru was acting so strange.

_'Makoto, I appreciate you being here for me. Thanks.'_

Then he was gone, with the excuse of going for a run. Makoto lay back down and smiled to himself in the dark. That was one of the first times Haru had been _that_ embarrassed.

_I do mean something to Haru, don't I?_

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><p>Rin lost his race, and he lost it by far. Makoto glanced over to see Haru rush out of his seat and reacted quickly enough to follow him. Haru, Haru who had always been so apathetic and distant about everything, was now running after Rin. What Haru had said to Makoto last night vanished in an instant. Makoto felt lost.<p>

_Haru loves Rin more than he loves me._

Crouching in one corner, it was as if Haru's fighting spirit was crushed. Makoto looked over to where he was, head buried in his arms, sinking back into despair. Why was it that Rin, who had made Haru quit competitive swimming, who had hurt Haru, seemed to be getting all his attention?

_What exactly am I to Haru? What have I been this whole time?_

Rei gave up his place for Rin. Haru's eyes shone brighter than ever, and he enthusiastically ran out to look for Rin. Makoto played his part – he made good effort to look for the missing red-head, all he wanted was for Haru to be happy.

And Haru was happy. That relay was the first relay in which Makoto could really tell Haru was putting in his all. Just for Rin's sake, just to show him how much it meant to be able to swim with the best team ever. Even though Rei hadn't yet had a chance to experience this feeling, Makoto knew that Haru still accepted him as part of their new-found team. Rei would see that wonderful sight soon.

That day, all conflict with Rin was solved. There was no longer any tension between the two, no longer any hateful rivalry. Rin went back to Samezuka, Rei was now a part of their team.

Did Rin still mean a lot to Haru? Was he the second most important thing to Haru now? As much as Makoto wanted Haru to be happy, it still hurt that he didn't mean as much, that he was so insignificant as compared to the two things Haru loved.

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><p>"Then, see you tomorrow Haru."<p>

Makoto started to walk off in the direction of his own home. The stars shone brightly in the night sky, just as beautiful as when Haru's eyes lit up with emotion and passion.

"Makoto."

The brunet turned to face his best friend, the one who meant more than his own life to him.

"Makoto," Haru's voice fell into a low whisper, "Stay over tonight?"

They lay in bed together, hair still damp from the late-night shower. Makoto felt a little anxious as to why Haru's back was facing him again. Haru had always nuzzled his face into Makoto's shoulder when he slept; he'd never faced the wall before.

_Maybe he's embarrassed again?_

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru?"

Silence for a few moments before Haru took an audible breath.

"T-thank you for everything. I couldn't have done it without you."

Makoto's eyes widened, he felt his cheeks burn like the other night in the hotel. His voice was caught in his throat, but it wasn't as if he needed it right now. He was at a loss for words.

"Say something, idiot." Haru mumbled when the brunet didn't reply.

"Ah, sorry Haru. I, I'm glad. I'm glad that you're happy again."

"Un."

The silence made Makoto's head pound even harder. He'd wanted to ask Haru this question for so long, yet he had never had the courage to hear his answer. Except, he already knew what the answer would be, but he still wanted that confirmation. Maybe this was the right time to ask?

Makoto bit his lip and stared at the raven hair in front of him.

"Ne, Haru."

"Mm?"

"Uhm…I-I've been meaning to ask you for awhile but…is Rin…is he very important to you?"

"Yes" Haru whispered without hesitation.

Makoto felt blank. Utterly dumbfounded. He'd known the answer, he'd known how much Rin meant to Haru if the raven had been so willing to take all those extreme measures. Yet it still hurt. It hurt a lot.

"But…Makoto's so much more important to me."

His voice had been barely audible, but Makoto's ears were sharp and attuned to the usual quiet Haru. Those words made him freeze, a rush of warmth and relief washing over his mind and body. Now for the final question.

"T-Then," Makoto felt his face heating up, "Would you choose…water or me?"

"Makoto." There was no hesitation, no uncertainty in his answer. Makoto's heart went wild with the pounding.

Haru turned around, and even in the dark Makoto could see the shimmer of Haru's bright eyes, all his emotions splayed out like an open book.

"Thank you for always being here for me. You mean more than water to me."

This wasn't like Haru. This definitely wasn't like Haru. Since when was Haru so open about his feelings? Since when did he express his affection using words? Haru had always used actions, beside his powerful eyes, to convey his thoughts. But this wasn't a bad thing. And meaning more than water to Haru meant _a lot_ to Makoto.

Makoto's breath hitched and his heart started to beat faster when Haru's finger lazily traced a shape on his forearm. Yes, this was more like Haru but wait; _did he just trace a heart?_

The next moment felt like a blur, and all Makoto could remember was a pair of lips pressed against his own. A little chapped, but warm. A hint of chlorine and a taste of mackerel, but burning with passion. Makoto closed his eyes, leaning deeper into the kiss. The tips of his ears tingled, his cheeks burned. Haru brought his hands to Makoto's waist while the brunet pulled him closer, gently stroking his soft black hair.

Too soon. Haru pulled away too soon, leaving Makoto craving another kiss.

"Makoto" Haru whispered when they broke away, their faces barely an inch apart.

"Yes, Haru?"

Haru's blue eyes closed slightly as he rubbed against Makoto's nose with his own.

"It's always been you."


End file.
